Holiday Update

Hello readers! I apologize for not writing for a little while, I promise I will write a good long entry all about my holidays and how I did with my diet!! Hopefully I'll find time tomorrow, check back :)

An Amazing Day :)

Today is a great day! It all started with a great weigh in at the Dr Bernstein clinic, I am now down a total of 21.8 lbs, which means I am only 7 lbs away from meeting my mini goal for the New Year! Then as I was walking back to my car to head to work there was a $5.00 bill laying on the ground, so I looked around and saw nobody so I picked it up. Free money is always a great thing no matter the amount! Then I was super nervous for a work presentation in front of about 10-12 people so I was feeling anxious all morning, but I rocked it! My manager gave me great feedback and said I did an excellent job! I am just on top of the world today and nothing will bring me down (not even the fact that everyone else left and I am stuck with the old hag of a supervisor for the next two hours lol). I am going to go home and clean my house until it's spotless and get rid of all the garbage bags full of stuff I've de-cluttered because tomorrow I'm having a friend over and I've sort of let my place go a little bit! It happens though! I just hope that I can keep up this great attitude and ignore all the BS surrounding me. I cannot control what others do I can only control how I react and what I do. Cheesy, I know, but it's good words to live by! I also got an email giving me a month of free calling on  my Skype account, how great is that?? I can now talk to my dad for free until the New Year! I definitely think Skype is the best thing I've ever discovered! The long distance rates are crazy cheap and will make it super easy to stay in contact with my dad while he's in Seattle for the next couple of years! And my mom also emailed today to say that her stubborn, childish husband actually agreed to order an iPod for my Dad! I just need to upload some songs for him (he has no computer) and send it to him! He's absolutely going to love that and I am in such shock that my step dad even said he'd order it for him, he hasn't been very supportive of anything to do with him. I simply cannot stop smiling today! So many things are going well and they just keep getting better and better! I hope this is all a sign that all these changes I'm making are going to make my life a whole lot better and happier! I guess it's more of a frame of mind, but people simply cannot fight being happy when good things happen to people who deserve them.

If there is any topic you want covered feel free to comment and let me know! Right now it's just a hodge-podge of my daily life! I am SUPER happy to see that there are views daily and hope to get some followers at some point! Support the art of writing people and don't forget to check out other blogs, I've found some pretty sweet ones! Have a wicked day :)

How Mature....Not!

Well, I am one of those people who has a senior citizen boss that acts like a child! Thankfully she is super ancient and retiring within the next year or so. She is just one of those really negative people who come to work and like to make others feel like they're one inch tall. She's always complaining about people and talking unprofessionally about business partners we deal with. And on top of that she is constantly demeaning the manager and saying what a tool he is, smooth move to treat your boss like that! I think the only reason nothing has been done is because she is so close to retirement and nobody cares to make waves with her. She spends her entire work day playing solitaire and huffing and puffing as she trots around in her stillettos. Like what 65 year old woman should be wearing stillettos? None in my mind but whatever floats your boat. And I feel as though she waits all weekend to come to work and talk about her stupid kids and grandkids, telling 5 or more people the sames stories over and over. And she also lies and exaggerates things to make it seem like everything and everyone in her life are the most amazing people to ever grace this Earth and they could never do no wrong! Unfortunately I cannot wear both earphones with my iPod so I turn the one up super loud in hopes that I can drown out her muppet voice. I have never met someone so inconsiderate to others who puts themselves and their family on such a high horse. She is condescending and rude, on top of being super old fashioned and judgemental. When I advised her about my involvement with Dr Bernstein because I might have to be a couple minutes late I regretted it almost the same day. She told me how she was telling her daughter that it was a starvation diet and that it was impossible. She then continued to always check out what I was eating and ask if I had cheated. She has died down with those comments but she's still a horrible old hag about everything else. She's one of those people who wants EVERYTHING to go through her, even if it's the most unefficient process ever. I will be celebrating big time when she annouces her retirement! There are so many things that could be done better and easier but because she's such an old witch she refuses to change her ways, and that affects everyone around her. It's so hard no to be affected by her, and today is one of those days she's definitely gotten to me. I'm to the point I don't even care if I don't hear my phone, I'm putting both earphones in and tuning out for the day! We have our Christmas lunch today and I am sitting completely away from her, and then I have a meeting so I won't have to deal with her for most of the day hopefully! I am going to try to find my centre and just stay in the positive mood I started yesterday off with! Wish me luck! LOL

Great Success!!!

Well this morning was another weigh in at the Dr Bernstein clinic and I am now down a total of 20.0 lbs!!! So happy with my progess and just want to keep this momentum going. I have about 7 months left to go and I can definitely do it! I have 8.8 lbs to go until I meet my mini-goal that I have set for myself to hit before the New Year, which is definitely going to happen! I am having such a great morning. And this weekend was great. I got my hair done and all fixed up (I had a horrible run in with a stylist a couple months ago), spent the day shopping with my Mom on Saturday and we found the amazing jewellery box that I wanted and it was on sale!! It was the last one they had! So we got it, but I don't know when I get to have it! LOL Oh well, I know that I will have it one day soon! I also went out for my friends birthday. I definitely wanted to have some drinks and have fun, but I did end up having quite a bit of fun and was able to come home and sleep in my own bed!!! And I didn't feel like crap when I woke up the next morning! And nobody really razzed me about not drinking so it's definitely important to have supportive friends who understand. I just brought some drinks that I could have like Coke Zero, a fizzy zero calorie berry drink from Costco, and some Crush diet cream soda and put it in a cup and you would never tell that I wasn't drinking. The only hard part was when I drove the birthday boy home and they requested a stop at 711 to grab nachos, a hot dog, pizza, and various other greasy things that sounded and smelled great! But so not worth it for me right now so I just dropped them off and went home to bed. It also helped that my friend came with me and she is really careful about what she eats and wasn't having many drinks because she had to work. We're definitely in the same boat so it was nice to have her along! I cannot stress enough to surround yourself with positive people who bring you up and support your life changes. I then proceeded to de-clutter my life on Sunday. I went through all my CD's and burned them into my iTunes library so that I could pass on my CD book. I'm going through every nook and cranny in my place and going through stuff to get rid of the unnecessary junk. I want to have supreme organization and serenity at home. Over all, I had a great weekend despite feeling a little defeated on Friday. So keep motivated people and I'll keep updating how things are going! I am overcoming life's obstacles and succeeding whilst I do it! Happy days :)

No Change!

Well, got weighed this morning and no change! How frustrating!!! But I guess you can't always win and the body will do what it wants in it's own time. The nurses said that it might be because "that time of the month" is coming up, I could just be storing water weight, or who knows. But I am hoping Monday I have a nice drop. I'm thinking some light work outs this weekend and perhaps a sauna (in case it is water weight). LOL I went through all my clothes last night and surprisingly have a nice range of pants and shirts to wear as I lose the weight. That should help keep costs down until I'm quite a bit smaller! It'll be nice to have to say bye to some clothing because they're TOO BIG! Although there are some items I'll be sad to say goodbye to! But I'm getting healthy and will have a way bigger selection of what I can wear and will hopefully be able to find similar things to some of my old favorites! Just in a WAY smaller size! I can't wait to be at the end and be able to look at the before and after of this! I think that anyone who's deciding to lose weight should definitely take a befores pictures so you can really see the difference yourself. I took one from the front with my arms up and away from body and then a side shot as well. And make sure you wear something that is form fitting and doesn't add bulk so you can see the real you. If you're brave enough take some in your undergarments. It's crazy though because I am still wearing my old clothes and they don't seem to be that different in fit even though I've dropped 17 lbs already. Not too sure where it came off but I am hoping to see a change soon. I have 11.8 lbs to lose as my personal goal before the end of this month. That gives me 23 days, which I definitely think is doable! And that will give me a good head start on the New Year! And hopefully if I get below my year end goal before the holiday weeks I will stay motivated to stick to it 100% and avoid all those amazing holiday goodies! I will say that I will definitely miss the stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy!! Oh well, next year! As many say, nothing tastes as good as healthy feels!! Well I will most likely write more later since work is pretty dead otherwise I'l update more over the weekend! Happy getting healthy people :)

As always I welcome any comments and questions!

Things On My Mind

 Well great news, I'm down a total of 17 lbs now :) I go again to get weighed tomorrow morning. Slow and steady will win the race I think! I cannot wait to start seeing the weight loss on myself, or have people start noticing and commenting. So far everyone that I've visited or hung out with has been super excited for me and completely supportive of my endeavour. It seems to just be easier to bring my meal if I'm not home for supper or whatever, most people try to be accommodating but it's just so much to have to have them do to go out of their way if they're cooking their own meal on top of it. I would really like to fast forward the next seven months so that this would be over with and I could learning out to maintain and begin enjoying my stress free life again! I cannot wait to feel more comfortable going to different workout classes and what not. I still get the odd comment from my horrid supervisor about losing weight and how this is a starvation diet. I definitely didn't fill her in to hear her opinion and should just keep her stupid trap shut! I guess next time I won't advise her about anything and will just tell her that I had a medical appointment if I am late. All I can hope is that the old hag retires soon!!

On another note; I think that people who wear workout pants to work as dress pants must not be that bright! I mean really, how professional do you think you look. And it's not like people can't tell that you're wearing spandex pants! And just because they don't cling to your body doesn't mean we don't notice either. And the funniest thing I find is that older people complain about it but yet I see just as many of them wearing the same crap to work! It's not appropriate! And if someone my size can find dress pants there is no reason that you cannot find a simple pair of black pants. They don't even have to be super dressy,  buy a pair of black khakis and you'll still look better than those slumpy ass workout pants! There is also the girls who think that just because they're skinny they can wear them skin tight (showing a camel toe) and riding up your ass. And to make matters worse they decide to pair them with a shirt that doesn't even pass the waist! This literally makes me puke in my mouth some days! It's funny how one person can think they're being dressy and everyone around them is secretly laughing at them. Get some common sense people, and maybe watch an episode of "What Not To Wear" or something! I have seen some seriously bad fashion throughout my finance career. The best is the full matching suits or outfits that are one color that old people seem to wear!! If you bought the clothing in the 70's or 80's and it was professional then it's definitely not in style or professional these days. My current supervisor has an outfit that I have dubbed the "Pepto Suit". It's a Pepto Bismol pink sweat and pant set that is one of the nastiest things I've ever seen! Then she tries to class it up by wearing her stilettos! HAHA! Oh my goodness people, really?? Then at my previous work there were multiple offenders. They would wear those elastic waist, pleated front, pants in all colors and patterns with nasty ratty sweaters and thought that they were definitely "business casual". SO NOT!!

I Survived

Well this weekend was the big Christmas party and I survived unscathed! I ate my protein and carbs right before I left and then when it was time to eat there I just filled my plate with salad and pulled my dressing out of my to go container in my purse and was fine with everything. I stuck to decaf tea and had one diet pop. It was overall a pretty fun night and I'm glad I went, it was nice to catch up with everyone and get out of the house! I did find it weird dancing though so I didn't partake. I felt super uncomfortable out on the dance floor, which I am guessing is because I cannot remember a time that I went out dancing where absolutely no drinks were involved. I hope that I can become more comfortable with it over time because I do enjoy going out and having fun! It's going to be a long 7 months if I don't ever go out and let loose! Everyone around me was supportive though and understood when I bowed out early around 11 PM.

At this mornings weigh in I was down a total of 15 lbs since I started this journey 20 days ago so I am happy and have a new found motivation. I know that the weight isn't going to drop like it did the first couple weeks so I just have to focus on the total amount of weight loss to date to keep myself motivated. My mom thought perhaps I should carry a bag around with that weight in it when I feel down; that just sounds like child labour if you ask me! LOL I find that just keeping busy and doing things is what will keep me motivated and then I won't just be bored and thinking of what foods I can't have. I think that going through all my closets, organizing my house, and getting rid of clutter will be a good exercise too. An organized house is a stress free house. And then maybe some heavy cleaning too!

Todays a busy day, so I have to run but I will try to write more tonight or tomorrow :)

Holiday Parties

I've been invited to attend a friends Christmas party for what happens to be my previous employer (left on good terms) and I said yes. I am not sure I fully thought this through but I will abide by my response and go with her. I am  nervous that it's too soon into my lifestyle change and that being around people drinking and shoving their faces with fatty foods might be hard for me. I don't want to cheat or break my positive stride I've got going on but I also don't want to be a hermit and not enjoy anything. I am going to definitely sneak in some healthy snacks that I can indulge in and remain strong. I will also eat my meal as late as possible before heading there so that I am simply  not hungry! I just hope I'm able to enjoy every one's company and ignore the fact that there will be MAJOR temptation surrounding me. I think everyone will be supportive, but I don't necessarily want to blurt out to everyone that I'm on a "diet", it's not really their business and I don't want people being weird around me. Worst case scenario is I end up quietly excusing myself and heading home. I think as long as I bring some stuff to nibble on and have water I will be alright. This whole thing will simply be a test in my ability to say no and make better choices. This is an every day thing that I will have to face and this will just strengthen my will power. I think everything will be alright, just have to remember why I am doing this and what my amazing outcome will be.

On a side note, I do plan on revealing my before and after pictures once I reach my goal weight. It will be insane to see the changes! I just hope that I still look and feel like me. I know that's a silly thing to say, but it's what I feel. It's a worry I have. I just want to be a healthier version of myself so I can live longer and indulge in all the fun things in life that I avoid now! I think my next blog will have to be about all the things I will do and want to do, sort of a mini bucket list. And that gives me the great idea that I should start making a bucket list for myself.

I hope people are enjoying my blog and come back to follow, I will try to post at least a couple times per week. If there is a certain topic you want me to talk about or if you have a question feel free to comment or email me at emurray21@hotmail.com. Have a great evening everyone :)

Ups and Downs

Doing any sort of major life change takes a certain amount of dedication, actually, a lot of dedication! LOL With making over anything in your life you will also experience the ups and downs that come with it. I have already experienced my fair share of both and it's only been 2 weeks, but never fear, you just have to learn how to deal with it. For me, my outlet for venting both my happiness and sadness is writing (and talking to my mom of course). You have to find a way to get those feelings out of your head and move on. This year I've started this blog, I've also become an active Twitter user, have always been crazy about Facebook, and of course use the conventional hand written journal. These might not be right for you, but I enjoy them all. You will find your outlet. For me it helps because once you've released those thoughts (good or bad) you can move on and continue your day as normal.

An example? Well last week it was some one's birthday at work and so we have a cake brought in and we sit there chatting for an hour or so and enjoy the social time. I was hesitant to participate but didn't want to alienate myself by not joining in on the office fun so I decided to be a big girl and attend. I did not cheat and have cake though, I brought some delicious raspberries instead! I was feeling good and enjoying the social break during my day when my boss completely caught me off guard by saying "Isn't it just so sad that you have to eat those berries instead of this amazing chocolate cake?" I honestly froze and couldn't believe such words could come from someone I'd confided in about my diet and lifestyle change. I was livid; I wanted to cry and run out. That night and the next day I felt really down and alone with the whole process but I pulled myself out of my funk and wrote about it in my journal and talked with my mom about it. 

All I can say is that hopefully everyone has some sort of support system in their life whether it's family, friends, or yourself (yes you can be your own support system). You have to take the ugly with the pretty in life and learn from all situations. I have learned from all the stuff that has happened in my life and have come out a stronger person for it. You cannot control everything that happens to you or around you, but you can control how you act and react. I like to live by the saying "That which does not kill us makes us stronger" by Friedrich Nietzsche. I remember my Dad used to always say that to me when I was a teenager and it has just stuck with me through everything. Just think, there is always someone that has it way worse than you and is more than likely a lot more grateful for their life than you are. Focus on being a better you and things will come to order in your life. Become humble with your blessings and take the time to be thankful (and not just during Thanksgiving).  

Well it's off to bed for me, another glorious day awaits me tomorrow! Goodnight <3

Fighting Temptation

Well I guess I should have mentally prepared for the fun that is December. The time when everything revolves around baked goods, candy & chocolate, and large over-stuffed meals. It's definitely going to test my will power and dedication to make it through the next month without cheating and to continue to lose weight and hold strong. But I think I can do it! I think it'll be SO much easier once I start seeing physical results in my body size/shape. Someone at my work brought in home-made gingersnap cookies, which were sitting there right when I went to grab my lunch from the fridge...torture I say! But I did it, I walked away and ate my low-cal lunch and went back to work. There is going to be a lot of that horrid temptation this month and I will just have to keep getting stronger and stronger. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there in the same boat right now, I guess I'm not actually alone! I hope that my blog can at least help someone else know that others go through the same thoughts and temptations while trying to get healthy and avoid those super fatty foods! Together, we can do this :) You just have to find your support group or find it within yourself. Thankfully I am pretty good at doing something once I get into it and have the most amazing mother to support me through this! She has been my rock and my cheer team all in one! I don't think I could do this as easily without her. She's definitely keeping me distracted and reminding me why I'm doing it. Plus it doesn't help to set up mini goals for yourself. Perhaps even mini rewards to go with them so that instead of eating that cookie that will give me a 1 minute satisfaction I can think of that amazing Coach wallet I have stashed to reward myself with, or a pedicure, or a massage, or whatever your heart desires! And get back into your physical groove! Go for walks, spend an afternoon walking through the mall looking at all the cute clothes you will be able to wear and before you know it you'll have a couple hours of cardio under your belt and believe it or not, you will have spent your day not thinking about food or anything of that matter. I also find cleaning can be a good time waster and fat burner. Throw on some good tunes (whatever floats your boat) and dance a little while vacuuming and keep a steady pace! Nerdy I know, but makes it a little more fun. Clean and organize your closets, get rid of unnecessary items and de-clutter your life! There is so much you could be doing instead of sitting there thinking about food or worse, eating all that food! Keep healthy stuff in your fridge and cupboards so that even if you slip, you will at least be doing it with something healthy! I have pre-packaged all my bread substitutes so they're easy to grab on the go and have a couple servings of chicken ready to cook at a moments notice. There are so many things you can do to prepare to succeed! A well organized plan and staying accountable is the way to go :) Best of luck in all your weight loss adventures, emails and comments are always welcome!

Losing Weight

Well I have decided that I am going to finally do it, I am going to lose all this extra weight. As of November 15th I have been on the Dr Bernstein program and have been doing pretty good actually! I have lost 11.4 lbs as of this morning, so almost a pound a day. I've read a lot of mixed reviews on this but either way, I'm trying it out and so far it's working. You better believe it sucks ass that I can't just grab a cheeseburger at McDonalds when I'm out and about and you have to do a crap load of meal planning so you are ahead of the game. But it'll all be worth it if in the end I am healthy and manage to lose all this extra weight I'm carrying around! According to their plan I shall be fit in about 7 months time (timeline varies depending on how much you need or want to lose). I don't find it too bad for what you can actually eat because it's all real food that you buy at the grocery store, it's just hard getting used to having to plan ahead more and make sure you have everything needed if you're not at home. Either way, I will be updating as I go along, I've already experienced being super happy about progress, being upset and crying because of feeling alone in this, and every other emotion that seems to be heightened for women! LOL I am guessing this will be a roller coaster, but I will stick to it! I had to do a big overhaul on my pantry and fridge. The only thing I kept was soy sauce and mustard! LOL I am excited; there are so many things in life that I've held back on because of my weight and cannot wait to just live life so freely when I am healthy! I've been "battling the bulge" since I was about 15 or so and think a decade is definitely long enough. And who knew I'd become so able to wake up early and get to the clinic three times a week, I am SO not a morning person! I guess this is a complete life overhaul! Wish me luck :)

Pet Peeves

Pet peeves. Everyone has them, everyone it entitled to their own, but a lot of them are the same. To me things like driving side by side on a road is a big one, if you feel like driving the speed limit then fine, but if anyone else is late or has somewhere to be and aren't "Driving Miss Daisy" then they can't get past you! It's inconsiderate! Even more so when people are driving BELOW the speed limit! Pretty sure you can get a ticket for that! Another big one is grown adults who cannot spell! As I read through my Facebook news feed I am constantly annoyed at the enormous amount of people that cannot spell the most simple words. And simple grammar? Who needs that right? Pretty much anyone who wants to have a job that includes any administrative duties or business correspondence. I think the biggest contributor to that is the invention of spell check from Microsoft applications. I know of people who have graduated from the University here that are the worst spellers I've experienced yet! Way to completely fail at screening students! How good do you feel that people who could be teaching your future children, or becoming your new family doctor, or even people researching to prevent illnesses can pass through University without knowing how to spell words you learn in elementary! I also hate adult babies. By this I mean grown adults who act like a child over the stupidest things. I know someone who walks around stomping sometimes, slams down their phone, huffs and puffs at their desk, and whispers with the other people around you. It's insane how juvenile people can be, and it's also insane how they can think this is completely normal behaviour! Yeah right!! Where do you think your bratty children/grandchildren learn this behaviour from? The ironic thing is that they sit here complaining about everyone else and their "bad attitudes". Pretty sure you bad Karma is slapping you in the face with a two by four you miserable old person. Now I know this sounds like a completely negative and horrible rant, but really it's just me trying to vent what I get frustrated with so that I can continue to smile and be a pleasant person as much as possible in my day to day life. If you have any ideas of stuff you want to hear about from me or anything to add to this feel free to comment below! That's it for now, have an amazing day everyone :)

Focus On the Positive

Life is a b****! But you have to focus on the positive and learn lessons from everything you experience. I have been feeling down and out and feeling alone lately, feeling lost in my own skin, and just full of anxiety over nothing. Although talking with my Dad today put everything into check, he keeps me grounded and reminds me to be thankful for all the little things in life that make each day up. To focus on being yourself and staying true to who you are and what you believe in. I make choices for me, and nobody else. I no longer about trying to please everyone around me. I am focused on getting where I want to be in life and becoming the person I desired to be. Life is for you and nobody else.

This is me, take it or leave it

So I am one of those people who always says what I'm thinking, and most of the time I'm okay with it. But sometimes it gets me into trouble because apparently not everyone wants you to be honest with them. So I have created this blog to be an outlet for me, so that I can still be truthful to myself by expressing how I feel, but doing it in a creative and harmless way. I will try to be as anonymous as possible and keep other people's names out as well to simply protect myself and them. I hope people come to enjoy my brutal honestly, and if you don't, then don't read!

So today's fun story is one that I have relived over and over and over. Most of my friends seem to understand that I am a busy person. I am single and live alone so I don't really have anyone to answer to so I am usually out and about doing the things I enjoy. But then I have friends who have kids and stay at home and they get mad because I don't feel like sitting and doing nothing. And it's the same argument every couple of months! I have a theory that it's probably at the points when they feel trapped in their life that they choose to attack mine. I find it annoying and definitely don't sugar coat my response! What's even more annoying is that I haven't done anything different in the way I live my life, I live it for me and always will! All these people who rag on me have boyfriends or kids or someone to come home to. I don't, therefore, I do what I want when I want to. And you better believe at the end of the day they would choose them over hanging out with me anyways (as they should). I'm just tired of having to defend my choices, I don't have to answer to anyone! If this continues this friendship will be over!!!