My Goals For 2015

My Goals For 2015!!

I figure that if I publish my goals I might have a better chance of sticking to them and feeling accountable because someone out there has read them and will want to hear updates on progress or completion so here goes nothing. 

1) Getting Healthy/Losing Weight: I'm sure this is on every persons list and I'm sure it's on there every year. But really, it is a lifelong journey to either get to that point of being content with yourself and feeling great or you are maintaining. Either way, health should be high on anyways list of goals for themselves. I don't know that I necessarily want to lost a specific amount of weight because last time I did this (the Dr Bernstein program) I inherited this INSANE obsession with how much I weighed and a long with that came a very unhealthy desire to constantly weigh myself, sometimes multiple times in a day. I do NOT want to repeat this habit. But I do understand that weighing yourself and watching that does go hand in hand with understanding where you are at and where you need to be. I am hoping to track my weight loss and only weigh myself once or twice a week. Mostly I just want to feel better about myself and feel the natural happiness you get when you feel great physically! And I am going to do it a healthy way this time so I don't end up with a mullet for two years (LONG STORY). 

2) Learn to snowboard: I have attempted this before and failed miserably. It could be that I was a young teenager who changed wants and desires with the direction of the wind. It could also be that I ended up hurting myself pretty bad with a gnarly wipe out and bruised my tail bone pretty badly. But I really do want to challenge myself to learn again and stick with it. It's something physical to mix up the workouts and to keep it fun. And to be able to head to the mountains for a weekend and take in all of natures glory. I can and I will do this!

3) Travel: I want to travel and escape the city as much as I possibly can. I currently have some trips that are a for sure thing. At the beginning of May I have my grandfathers 80th birthday in Ocean Shores, WA which is going to be amazing! My brother and I will drive down and pick my father up (he's going to fly from Denver to meet us there) and hopefully some of the other American family will be able to make it as well. Either way, I am beyond stoked to see my Dad and Grandpa again, it's been too long! Then there will be May long camping, most likely at our family's lake lot in Northern Alberta, my own personal heaven when I need to get away from the city! The weekend following that is the join stag and staggette in Las Vegas for three days, this is going to be a messy but amazing time!! Super excited for that. A wedding in BC in July tops it off for planned trips so far this year. Pretty good so far if you ask me but I'd really like to get out to Vancouver in the fall and of course there will MOST definitely be at least a couple more camping trips thrown in there too. Hopefully I'll do some actual camping away from the lake lot too. I am hoping to buy a friends little trailer this year since I got a vehicle that can tow something!

4) Paying Down Consumer Debt: This is a big one! I really need to focus on saving for the above mentioned trips, but while I am doing that I need to also be paying down my consumer debt so I have less of a burden hovering over my head and so that I can focus on saving or paying for other more important things. This means less eating out, less stupid spending, and more nights in. All of which totally work well in supporting my other goals. Hopefully I'll somehow come into some amount of money by the miracle of God (one can wish right??).

Well there it is in black and white. Hopefully I can update sooner than later saying I've accomplished some of these goals! And you know what, if I don't end up completing the in 2015....well guess what? I have another year to keep trying. At least I have recognized things I want to change and have started planning to work towards achieving them. Change is a beautiful thing and is the only way to grow and get better so embrace it and challenge yourself sometimes. What have you got to lose?

Ciao for now, xoxo
Eden

Late Night Thoughts

Do you ever have those nights when your brain simply cannot shut off? I have work in 6 hours and attempted to have an early night to get some good rest and take it easy, but do you think that would actually happen? Most definitely not. Here I am, in the wee hours of the morning contemplating my life choices and what I've done to get to this point. Thinking about my two jobs, wondering about why I can't seem to find the motivation to simply eat better and lose weight, and questioning why it's so hard to find a decent guy to spend my time with when I see so many other people around me that have no problem finding a partner in life. I find myself asking why all the time. How can life seem so easy for others? I know I don't know all the details behind their lives, but how can it be that when I work so hard to get my life to a point of happiness it constantly seems out of reach? I need to learn to be happy with what I have. Don't get me wrong, I have it good. I have worked hard to get where I am. I am a home owner, drive a great vehicle, and have amazing people in my life. But I always feel as though I am chasing the impossible. Fighting to get to a better position in all aspects. Longing to feel complete, happy, and good enough. How can people who seem so rotten to the core be dealt such lucky hands in life. Given everything and they take it for granted. Here I am trying to focus on the new year that is upon us, trying to focus on a fresh new start. But really, each day is a whole new day to start and refocus on the goals at hand. You shouldn't have to wait for a new calendar year to reset and try again. Each day is an opportunity to start again and do it better. For example, my goal of losing weight and getting healthier. I need to realize that if I fuck up one day and eat something bad or give into a temptation that my whole vision isn't ruined, that I simply had a bad day and I don't need to completely derail and give up. I am human after all. It's so hard though. I did the Dr Bernstein program and lost a lot of weight, in a very unhealthy way might I add. I feel as though it has set me up for failure to do it the natural and healthy way. I have this unreal expectation that I should be losing 20 pounds a month and that it's going to be as easy as the first time. But it won't. It's going to be hard and it's going to be a struggle. But for my own sanity and happiness I need to get to a healthier point physically so that I feel better about myself. I need to find that motivation and reach the point of seeing progress to keep it going. Seeing results takes time and sometimes you lose momentum before reaching that point. Here I sit drinking a beer, listening to music, and smoking. Writing about my inner demons and questioning life in its entirety. I think it's time to try this sleep thing again. Over and out for tonight.

XOXO
Eden