A Long Overdue Update

Hello readers, hate to say it but summer got the best of me and I dropped the ball big time on my blog. A lot of things have happened and it's been a rocky couple months since I've last written. I recently just went back on the Dr Bernstein diet and am having issues. I had a small medical incident (unrelated to the diet) that derailed my ability to stay on the diet due to the fact that I had to get my iron levels up and 3.5 oz of lean beef every 7 days just wouldn't cut it. I ended up gaining 15 lbs back, mostly because I absolutely indulged in everything I'd been craving on the previous 7 months of diet.

I do find that returning to the diet is WAY harder than originally starting it. I am having serious issues not "cheating" on my diet with little bites here and there thinking it won't affect me. I do believe that there is something wonky about this whole diet, because you can have a donut and gain 1.5 lbs. There is NO way that is normal. Especially since you're eating probably around 900 calories if that if you follow it strictly. But what do I know.....I'm no Dr. Bernstein! I paid for two months worth of injections when I went back on August 13/12 and am feeling like I'm wasting my money right now since I'm not 100% committed. If I can pull my act together these next three weeks and really put my nose to the grind I think I'll switch to a program that is more cost effective like Weight Watches or something. I do find it quite odd that the nurse in the Bernstein program do advise that heavy workouts don't help your weight loss......doesn't quite add up. Exercise is healthy for you and you shouldn't just be changing your eating habits if you want to maintain a healthy lifestyle. But I cannot argue with the results that the Bernstein program delivers if you do diligently follow the rules. That's why I'm finding it hard to give up, but maybe it's for the best that I switch so it's an easier transition into real life eating. I truly hate when people compare eating to alcoholics or drug addicts because you cannot live without food so you cannot full out quit. Temptations are everywhere and convenient things are not healthy. Plus oddly enough, it costs more to eat healthy! Figure that out!! Either way, I have committed to leading a healthy life starting last November and have lost a total of 84.2 lbs to date. I still have a little ways to go to be able to call myself healthy but this is a life change, not a a right now change. That's my biggest hurdle, thinking that when I reach a point where I am happy with myself that I will be done, but I won't. It'll be me living with my choices on a daily basis and ensuring that I don't just eat healthy, but also remain active. I am trying to find that drive that I had during those 7 months of strict eating, I'm just finding it hard to get back into that. Wish me luck!!

I Work Out

I've been managing to find more time to work out, mostly because I really want to boost my weight loss and get into killer shape! I seem to be hitting a plateau still with the weight loss but what can you do? Well you can work out! I'm hoping it helps, but we'll see how the scale reflects it! I've been doing things like step class, hitting the gym and doing heavy incline treadmill workouts, recumbent bikes in the gym, and walking outside on my lunch hours. I even managed to wake up on my day off and hit the gym after a night out gallivanting with friends. Dedication or desperation? I can't quite decide at this point! LOL Soon the Dr Bernstein program says I have to move down to 2 portions of everything instead of 3! It's going to be an adjustment but also hopefully the boost I need to really be hitting my goals again! I want to be done this INSANE diet as soon as possible. I can't really harp on the program though because it's been working. I didn't hit my goal of losing 80 lbs yet but we'll see what tomorrow's weigh in brings. I just want to be back to living a "normal" life where food isn't such a huge thing all the time. Obviously I will not be going back to the way I was before, but it'll be nice to not always have to think so much and be so prepared! I recognize that this is a life change and that I will get out what I put in, so I most definitely will be leading a very different lifestyle, but I want some normalcy back! So many people feel the need to comment about what I'm eating or doing and it's completely counter-productive for me. Nobody gets what I'm going through unless they've done it. I challenge anyone to stick 100% to an insanely harsh diet for as long as I have! I think I might have lost my sanity without any little cheats here and there.

Ciao for now, it's time for my lunch then my walk!

Sweating To The Oldies

Well I got my butt to the gym last night, and made sure to drag my skinny friend with me for support! It was actually a wicked workout and both of us are definitely feeling the wrath today! LOL We decided to partake in our old fun of "step class". We used to go every Monday, when I was at my heaviest surprisingly. I did feel like it was a little easier without the extra 78 lbs I've lost, but there still was nothing EASY about this class. It was a different teacher that liked to mix it up way too much! Plus we couldn't hear the directions clearly over the system because of mic difficulties so we looked like a couple of idiots trying to follow along with this crazy lady. I think we'll try out Monday's again, hopefully it's the same teacher! Either way we got a great cardio workout in, followed by 10 minutes of free weight arm workouts, and 5 minutes of abs! I must say that I am pretty proud that I only stopped a couple times for water because I used to stop and stand there for a minute and then get going again. I also was able to do the jumping jacks a lot easier, before I simply refused! I also put in a serious effort to do pretty much ALL of the abs workout! Guess I'll have to keep going just to ensure my stamina keeps increasing! We then got SUPER ambitious and decided to do another 20 minutes of cardio on the treadmills. Including some running intervals! Needless to say I am sore today and somewhat enjoying feeling like I really put in some good time at the gym. I'm thinking to keep my body from seizing up I will go for my walk around the beautiful legislature grounds for my entire lunch hour. Can you tell I really want to hit my goals before the weekend?? I am 1.8 lbs away from hitting the 80 lb total loss mark and 0.6 of a lb away from meeting my personal mini goal number!! How exciting right?? I have been cutting out breads and increasing my fitness to hopefully hit those numbers tomorrow! Perhaps I'll make my way to the gym a couple times this weekend too! I really need to not only lose weight, but really get into the best shape of my life. And I do think exercising is becoming more fun the lighter I get. There is definitely nothing fun about a 300+ lb person trying to do jumping jacks (sorry if that's a mental image you didn't want, just trying to "get real" here)!!

Another positive note is all of the amazing feedback I've gotten when posting pictures and status' on my Facebook account! Everyone around me is seriously amazing and I couldn't feel more loved! I decided to put that "before and current" picture from yesterdays post onto FB and all I got was people telling me how I inspire them and how great I am doing! It definitely took a lot of nerve for me to put my horrid before picture up there for everyone to see, but I figure that now I am somewhat held accountable and that I will NEVER get back to that state. So having people see the embarrassment of what a whale (literally) that I was before, it will keep me from slipping and also help motivate me to make better choices here and there. Which is why I also keep posting my total weight lost!! I have gotten such a positive and supportive feed back from everything and all it does it keep me motivated! This year seems to be the year that everyone is getting into shape and I couldn't be happier because we are all feeding off each other's successes! A big thank you to everyone who's provided kind words and has sent positive vibes my way...words cannot express my gratitude <3

Much love!

Sincerely,

Me Getting Healthier : D

Getting Close

Life is good!! I've been getting better results with my dieting and am now SUPER close to my mini goal and close to the "halfway point" that they've set for me at the Bernstein clinic! I'm down a total of 78.2 lbs!!! I have been finding that I have more energy (outside of the fact that I am now working two jobs again) which is awesome! LOL I am counting down the few days of freedom I have as well, only three more weekends of fun in my own place! Then it's a year of exile at home to finally achieve my goal of owning my own place. Super exciting, but definitely going to test my patience and ability to adapt!! I will do whatever it takes to get what I want out of life, I've always been a super driven person who will make things happen. I work hard and will see everything I want to happen come true! Like people say, life is what you make of it. Without goals and challenging yourself you get nowhere. And like my dad always says, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"!! I am making efforts to fit workouts into my hectic schedule whenever I can so I can improve my physical abilities, especially since I really want to get into running. It seems like such a great thing to do just to get off whatever stresses are going on in your life and the bonus is that is makes you feel better! It'll be great to be at my moms because then I can walk to poopers (her dogs) all the time too! It'll keep me motivated to keep getting out there and doing something for even 30 minutes a day instead of watching TV or just surfing the net. Little choices here and there will definitely improve my standard of living health wise! I want to enjoy being active and it's definitely a step towards a more fulfilling life!


This is healthy me, signing off for today :)


PS: The below image is me at the beginning of my journey November 15, 2011 and me on March 15, 2012 :)

Dropped The Ball

Well I hate to say it but I've dropped the ball BIG TIME on my blog! Lots of stuff has been happening and things have just gotta a little crazy in my life! I am now down a total of 69.6 lbs to date, things have been a little slow lately. Not too sure what's going on with my body, but oh well! I have decided that I need to focus on the big number and just keep on going with what I am doing! Although I am hoping for a nice big drop so that I can make headway to my next mini-goal! I am only 9.6 lbs away from hitting it and only 10.8 lbs away from hitting the 80 lb total loss!! I am super excited as that should be my halfway mark.

I've also been taking steps to slowly clear out my place. I am moving home at the end of April so I can bank some serious cash! I've also started back at my old part time position at Derrick Dodge to really boost savings and allow me to do some fun things this summer while I'm at it. I am so excited to buy my own place and decorate it! It's going to be so amazing and I am definitely saving for new couches and some new furniture all around.

2012 is most definitely my year! Everything amazing is happening in my life! I am going to keep up with all the positive changes and just keep going full steam ahead!! I also think that I will start going for walks on my lunch hours so that I can squeeze in some exercise during my busy, busy days! Plus it'll break up the day nicely and get me away from the desk and enjoying nature! Day 1 of this starts today!! Wish me luck!!

I promise I will write more, and if you have any questions you can email me at emurray21@hotmail.com or leave a comment! If there is something you want me to talk about or something you want to know about the Dr. Bernstein program or just making life changes I am an open book! Ciao for now :)

Another Monday

This mornings weigh in brought me a total weight loss of 48.2 lbs, pretty exciting! It'll be exciting to hit the 50 lb mark soon. Although I am skeptical because it seems I always drop a big chunk over the weekend and yo-yo throughout the week lately, I'm hoping that curse has been broken and that I will return to slow small losses throughout the week as well. I am only 5.6 lbs away from my next mini goal (I'll be more open with my actual weight numbers once I get to a lower number). I've been feeling down lately, I'm guessing it's because of lack of sunshine and fresh air, man do I hate Winter in this crappy province we call Alberta. It may also have to do with some family stuff that's been going on as well. Oh life, how fun it can be hey? I've been trying to practice focusing on the positive and facing things one day at a time. It's all I can do right? Well that's it for now, I'll write more soon :)

Making Some Progress Again

I've dropped the ball on my blog and for this I apologize, I've been in quite the funk the last couple of weeks and just haven't felt like doing much of anything to be honest. My weight has been doing this stupid yo-yo thing and that definitely didn't help my mood at all! I can't explain why I feel this way, but I just can't seem to pull myself out of it! HELP!!! LOL I'm at a total weight loss of 45 lbs to date, so I guess I can't be that upset, but I want to see that number continue to grow and grow! I am hoping that I will get to my healthy weight by summer, the great part will be seeing people I haven't seen in awhile and hearing and seeing their reaction to all the changes! I'm also hoping I can gain some self confidence through all this, I want to feel comfortable putting myself out there with guys. I feel like I hold back because I don't want to get hurt, how can someone love me for me if I'm not happy with my appearance and lifestyle??!? They can't! So this year is for me, to find who I truly am and really learn to love myself completely. I am making these healthy changes so I can make the most of this life I've been given and will work my a** off to accomplish the goals I've set for myself! The big one this year is to get healthy, and then also to save a chunk of cash for a down payment on my first place! How exciting right?? Things really seem to be looking up for me, now to just put in the hard work and stay focused on my major goals. Like many I need to learn how to stop spending on impulse buys and really watch my budget to make the most of it. It's going to be a very interesting and exciting year! More to come :)

Heading To My Next Goal

Well I reached my goal before the New Year and now I am focusing on the next 25 lb loss. I have lost a total of 36.8 lbs as of yesterdays weigh in, I am hoping that I will maintain the 20 lbs a month weight loss, which means I have to hit 40 lbs by the 15th of this month, SO doable! My friend has just started the program again so now I'll have someone to go through this all with, kind of nice! Although I think I've been doing fine. I've decided that even though you're supposed to be 100% strict, that I am not going to deprive myself of anything. If I am craving a hot dog I can go buy one and eat a 1/4 of it and get the "craving" out of my system. Otherwise I won't last until the Summer on this program. As long as I keep up with my cardio as often as I can get it in during the week and following the diet for the most part. I must say though, I do find it difficult to eat all the veggies they say to in a day. Currently I am supposed to eat three 8 ounce portions of veggies, which is INSANE!! I never over stuffed my face before starting this so I am not about to start now. I will eat what I feel like when I'm hungry (of the proper foods that is) and not force extras down the hatch.

Everyone always asks me why I think I got to the point I did. Well to be honest eating healthy isn't the most convenient. Nothing is quick, you have to be ahead of the game and always plan your meals instead of simply just grabbing something on the go when you're out and about. I mean there are always salads but when you're starving a salad isn't going to keep you full unless there is some grilled chicken in there. I worked two jobs for almost four years so it wasn't always easy to grab something that was good for me. I tried to bring my lunch and supper and cook myself meals so things were home made but if any of you have worked in a car dealership you know full well that sales people and managers tend to just order in and it's pretty much ALWAYS greasy ass food! I can only blame myself for making poor decisions in what I ate but you don't always make the best choices when you forgot to pack a lunch and are starving. I've spent a lot of time researching the calorie counts for a lot of foods that I used to eat on a regular basis and can really see why I got to the weight I did. You really don't realize how bad some things are until you really look into the nutritional information on it.Thankfully I am a really slow eater and couldn't over-eat all that crappy food I was eating, I just was making the wrong choices in what I did eat. Oh well, I had my major "Ah-hah" moment in life and started my complete life overhaul on November 15, 2011 and I am not looking back. I cannot wait to see the major change in the end, to be able to compare my before and after picture. I do suggest that you take pictures at each one month mark, I am going to be taking my two month picture this coming weekend, it's pretty much the only way you will really see the changes on yourself. I wish I had taken measurements of my entire body because the clinic only takes your waist and your hips. Here are pictures of myself. On the left is a picture I took Dec 22, 2011 when I had lost 26.4 lbs at that point compared to the right picture, which is from Aug 15, 2011.

I think once I see more of a change in my body I might feel more comfortable posting my full body shots (in clothing of course, I'm no slut!!)

I hope that by reading my blog and joining me on my journey to a healthy lifestyle that people can be inspired to try whatever they can to improve their life. Whether it's exercising more, quitting smoking, including more vegetables or fruits in your diet, or improving your mental health. 2012 really seems to be the year that everyone is deciding to make a change! I am loving all the people that I know that are taking steps to better themselves, it makes me feel great to know that I was ahead of the game by starting before the New Year! Just think, I would've been 30 lbs heavier if I had waited until the New Year! I am excited for weigh in tomorrow! I will post another update :) Hope you enjoy and feel free to comment or email me at emurray21@hotmail.com if you have more private questions! Support is the key to being able to succeed in changes like these! And if you enjoy my blog please subscribe!! Have a great day!!

Stressed But Doing Good

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't written much, it's been the holidays so lots of time with family and enjoying some much needed down time! Things are going well with the weight loss, as of Friday (Dec 30th) I was down 30.4 lbs total! How exciting right? I surpassed my mini goal of 28.8 lbs for the new year! I did end up eating some bacon and some scrumptious banana bread over the Christmas break and managed to lose weight. I've also wasn't 100% dedicated between then and New Years eve, but I am gonna be back on the wagon full out starting tomorrow. I haven't gone off the deep end, just a bite here and there from my moms plate for a taste. I am actually quite proud of the progress I made over the holidays considering how much fatty food was surrounding me all the time! I think I did a great job at keeping the "tastes" to a minimum and didn't just completely give up during this time. I also made time to exercise and got myself some sweet new runners and some sports bras on sale! How exciting to boost my continuing healthy lifestyle! I am glad I got a head start on my journey and started way before the New Year. I've been going through some super emotional times in regards to friendships and what not, but I think I'm working through it all and hopefully coming out on top with better relationships. It's hard to go through stuff like this but I'm just hoping it makes the friendships stronger and more resilient. Oh well, that's life right? I head back to work tomorrow again and am not looking forward to it, but am definitely wanting time to fly by! Summer cannot come soon enough, although I'd like time to wait during February long while I enjoy an amazing time in beautiful Banff, and then in May when I venture to Seattle, Washington to visit family! I am so excited for the rest of my life to start! I am excited for all the things I'll feel more confident to do, and all the amazing opportunities that will come up for me! 2012 is my year and I am claiming it now! Life will be what I make of it, if people are going to be supportive they will be in my life, if not, GOOD RIDDANCE! I also will definitely continue writing more in my blog! Please follow me to updates :)